Have you ever seen the episode of Friends where Phoebe is mad at Ross, but doesn’t remember why?
They spend the whole episode trying to figure out, and they finally try “rapid fire” type questions where she just said what came to mind first.
After a few questions, he ask why she was mad and she was able to say it, sort of unconsciously.
The other day I was singing along with the radio as I was driving, and I said the wrong words.
It happens right? I wasn’t really paying close attention anyway.
But the word I substituted caught me off guard, and made me think about what was happening in my heart and mind.
The song was Truth Be Told by Matthew West.
The line I was singing was in the chorus that said:
And when it's out of control I say it's under control but it's not
And you know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When being honest is the only way to fix it...
But instead of saying being honest, I said being perfect.
I literally stopped and audibly said “woah.”
That’s my M.O.
I have thought for so long that if everyone thinks I’m fine and I look perfect from the outside and tell everyone I’m just perfect, it will go away.
Everything will be fixed if I just look and act perfect.
Nobody will have anything to say if I just do what I’m supposed to and be good.
It’s funny what your conscious does when you aren’t fully thinking.
So now, I make sure to tell myself that honesty is the only way to fix it.
I’ve had to take a hard look at honesty and what that truly means in my life recently. What does honesty instead of a “perfect facade” look like when I really get down to the heart and soul of who I am.
I feel like as a Christian, it is so hard to find the balance of speaking the truth about my issues and proclaiming the goodness of God at the same time.
At least for me, I feel like I’m complaining or griping about something if I’m being honest, but there is a way to be honest in love and grace while simultaneously giving God the glory in all circumstances.
I think it is all about your heart in the situation. If your heart is that you want to express your feelings in order to heal, help someone else, or find a solution for the issue at hand, that is what will be expressed.
What is in your heart, goes to your mind, and comes out your mouth. It all stems from your heart- that’s Bible.
I think it is also important to be in tuned with the Holy Spirit, because He will tell you when to close your mouth if you listen.
Just the other day, I was having a “mouthy meltdown” (thank you for that verbiage Ms. Kathy) and all the sudden I heard the verse in my head say “a fool uttereth all his mind.”
Ouch.
All the sudden I had to stop, pray, and remember how much I still have to learn.
I wasn’t saying anything wrong necessarily, but my heart was not in the right place. I was exhausted, frustrated, and was done trying to be perfect and wanted to be honest.
Unfortunately, I went about it the wrong way, and I had to apologize and move forward.
I’m not totally sure where all these thoughts were going this morning, but I wanted to share my shortcomings this week and what I observed in my own thinking in hopes it would help someone else.
Sometimes we all need a heart check.
I know I had to several times this week.
So let the truth be told... in grace and love.
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